The Time You Have Been Given

Life seems like a gift. It seems rare. It also seems very hard to do anything that matters.  I had the chance to see a bunch of Michelangelo's masterpieces this year, and I did think my bestie was making all of us seem lame.  I saw Rembrandt's art and Van Gogh's.  Again, more besties that make us all look like we are not trying. Does it shock you that inside me, there is a longing to slap something down that will echo through the ages? 

I call myself, "The voice crying out from suburbia."

Yep, not precisely the cutting-edge vibe dreamers long for. I am choosing to party with this gift of gab that the Universe has bestowed on me anyway. I want to matter, but I have no power to make that happen.  Here's the deal: no one wakes up and thinks, I know, I will be insignificant! I will pour out my life, hungering for the audience, and fall flat on my face. I note that moms don't exactly get the fast track when it comes to celebrated works. Maybe it's all the diapers, two am feedings, and little league practices that are getting in the way.

Anywho, I got it in my head tossing one of my stories (Profit) onto the web. I have been waiting for some agent to see my genius and share the brilliance of my work for 25 years. I have sent to sooooo many.  It's been a resounding no.  Yes, I write better than most yahoos on the planet (I have been assured by many, many agents), but I don't have "Je ne sais quoi."  

Dang. 

Be the voice you are meant to be. Treasure the gifts the Universe has handed to you. Do your thing. 

If you have time,  check out my story on Kindle Vella.  

For inquiring minds: here is a tutorial on how to use  Kindle Vella. 

1. Go to the Vella section of the Amazon online store or download the Kindle app
2. Find a story using the browser or the app's Discover or Store tab 
3. Read the first 10 chapters for free 
4. Buy tokens to read more chapters 

Here is the link to my story: https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0DDJXTQQ2.

Here is a quote to treasure: 

Faith of the Heart

Hi all:  

It's been a hot minute since I posted here.  I am still writing.  It's been about a week since I turned in the last work for Poodle Doodle Press. I worked on some little books with them. Fun experience. I am speaking at the All Y'all Texas Regional Conference  on May 4 and 5. I am going to share Tips and Tricks from a 30-year children's content creator journey, and I will lead a 3-hour intensive about Picture Books: From Dream to Reality (This is going to be work, y'all!). Then I will breathe for three weeks and TEENSPublish begins. This is a publishing program for teens(duh), and this is year 10 of the best thing in my writer's life. I cannot express how much joy these young writers have brought to me. 

The world continues to be different from what I imagine it to be, and I have no idea how to fix the problems. I try to be curious and listen, which seems to help.  

When it comes to writing, I have come to think of myself as having a Townes Van Zandt vibe in children's books (off-the-beaten-path, mucked-up mental health issues, overlooked genius) or like a blackbird singing in the dead of night. Who knows? I love to read and create. The moment when I know I shared what I meant to--it's the best. Add to that my love to mentor others. People are part of me. I love to see folks learn and find success--that inward knowing that they have found a little more of their voice. Joy! Selah. 

I ache in my bones to connect with readers. It's like having a limp you can't fix. It's part of you. I'm not sure that my journey has amounted to a hill of beans, but I'm not sure the whole of the human race has amounted to a hill of beans either.  You get the perspective that you are on a tiny blue dot in a massive universe, and it lowers the high places and raises up the low pretty quick. I limp forward and ache in my bones. Maybe something I say will light up someone's heart, open their eyes, and give them perspective. Faith of the heart keeps me steady.

I've been thinking about poetry. It runs through us all. Here is a little blessing for you. 

May words fall gently from your dreams like spring rain. May words rush out of your heart like rain from a thunderstorm. May words rage from your soul like a tornado reshaping the world.  May you not stop until the stars refuse to shine. May your words echo for a thousand generations. 

Doodle for your heart. A little wren. 

Tune for your soul!

Faith of the Heart by Rod Stewart 

Summer Retreat

For several years, I've headed to the Santa Maria de la Vid Abby in Albuquerque, New Mexico, to spend some time allowing my writing self to have the front seat.  This is a wonderful place that feeds my soul.  I find my inner hermit. I'm surrounded by like-minded writers and maybe an illustrator or two. The starkness of the landscape, the beautiful Sandias, and time away from a crowded life.  

Build space into your life to breathe. Take time to just be you and not all the many labels that are attached to you. I let go of all that I want and focus on who I am.

 Me.

I celebrate that I contradict myself. I celebrate that I am multitudes. Whether you are in a lull in life or in the midst of storms, I have found embracing the current moment to be so helpful on the journey to wherever. Get on the deck of the boat, grab the sails, and watch the water. The universe has a way of speaking to you. It speaks of feelings and futures. I hope you find a way to let go of the baggage, sweep out the cobwebs, and forgive all the wrongs that you've seen or experienced. Let the good light of hope soak into your bones.  

Open up to love. It never fails. 

A quote for your pocket. 

Corinthians 13:12 For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

A picture for your heart. 

Thanksgiving

 I am thankful for my creative life and all the gifts it brings. Shining stars surround me. I get to see new writers struggle and then find their way. It's a joy to see their phenomenal growth. It is an honor to plant seeds of creativity and tenacity everywhere I go. 

My life is far from perfect (oh, the perniciousness of perfection!), but it is the life I have lived.  Like most lives, scattered bits of debris from various life storms have left me a little broken, a little melancholy, and a little tired. I embrace reality and do the work of hope and turning over new leaves. 

We can't control the rain. Some gardens are green from the rain. They have rich soil. Some gardens eke by with poor soil and droughts. There is beauty in both landscapes. I am simply grateful for the chance to grow my creative ideas. Yes, my patch is a bit shabby and overgrown with weeds, but I love it. I hope that you find joy in your own journey. 

Live by these words from a fine poet,

Finite to fail, but infinite to venture. Emily Dickinson. 

Covid changed my life

Covid changed my life. It pushed me out of my comfort zone. It made me get real. I didn't make enough money for lattes for two years. My husband lost 1/3 of his income. We scraped along on.  Credit cards became a thing again. We were broke. Again. Drastic measures were called for. 

I have been a freelance writer for over twenty years.  I have written about 50 books for kids. I love writing books for kids. I love it down to my bones, and I'm good at it.  Here's the deal for children's authors. It's sucky--no health insurance, sick days, no retirement, or reliable month-to-month income, and when there is income, it is a pittance.  After 20 odd years, it is somewhat clear that I can't make enough money as a writer to face a pandemic followed by inflation. I got a job. I work for the International Ocean Discovery Program as a production editor now. I know a lot about tables. It's a whole art form. I think about accessibility (a lot).

During my Covid years, I wrote the best book ever. I'm proud of it, but guess what? It's been out thirty times, and no one has ever wanted to look at it. It didn't hit readers like WOW!  It hit me like that, though. So this is the time in my life when I say I am proud of myself. I am proud of my hard work. I am proud of my willingness to pivot, try new things, reinvent myself, and launch into the great unknown. I'm still squeezing in a bit of writing here and there. Who knows what will fly out of this imagination?

I hope that you celebrate your amazingness this week and do what you love. And if you can't right now, I hope you stop kicking yourself. You are paying the bills—or you are trying. This makes you the hero of your own story.   

A quote for your pocket: 

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Martin Luther King, Jr.