Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Novel Push and The Mystery of the Lost Keys

The Novel Push 2006 is in full swing now. I'm approaching the halfway mark and should reach it today or tomorrow.

And for your reading pleasure - now time for a mystery: The Mystery of the Lost Keys

This morning Mild-mannered Mom did the whole incredible Hulk thing.

"Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry," says Dr. Banner aka Bill Bixby and later aka Eric Bana .

It was 7:40 a.m. and time to take the Teenaged Daughter to school. But the keys were not on the hook or on the back-up hook or in the dish in the kitchen or in the refridgerator under the luncheon meat or in the underwear drawer or caught in the springs of the couch -- none of the usual places. Where were the keys? By 8:15 there was still no sign of the keys. Mild-mannered Mom was slowly transforming into Raving Lunatic Mom. Tears streaming down her face, a call was made to Programmer Dad at work.

Programmer Dad says, "I don't know where the keys are. Have you looked in the van?"

Raving Lunatic Mom's answer included the words freaking and crap. The rest is unprintable because this a G rated blog.

Needless to say the search continued until 9 a.m.

"Teenaged Daughter, you are already 1/2 hour late for school," says Raving Lunatic Mom.
"You must walk."

Teenaged Daughter's eye twitches, but shortly afterwards, Teenaged Daughter leaves on foot on a two mile trek to school with a note from Mom -- "The keys to the van disappeared." Mom thinks she hears vague mumbles from Teenaged Daughter about how as a poor misunderstood child she had to walk two miles in the snow to get to school, forced to do so by her Raving Luantic Mom. Mild-mannered/Raving Lunatic Mom looks outside. It's not snowing and it is a balmy 38 degrees.

Cleaning crew arrives at 9:30 a.m. The crew finds the loss of car keys amusing and suggests that such impossibly lost keys must have an explanation that includes the behavioral patterns of teenagers. The cleaning crew promises to look for the keys as they clean.

Programmer Dad calls at 10 a.m. and says he felt a mysterious "puff", he repeats,"puff" of cold air this morning in kitchen, indicating someone went out to the van before Mild-mannered/Raving Lunatic Mom got up.

More teenagers are consulted about the missing keys. How many teenagers are in this house, anyway? The official count currently is 3, but this number fluctuates with the migratory habits of afterschool highschoolers and jr highschoolers.

It is determined that the last person to touch the keys was a teenager, but that teenager swears that the keys were returned to "the hook" or was it "the shoe box" or was it "somewhere in the dark cavernous wilderness aka their bedroom." Raving Lunatic Mom grabs a trash sack and ventures into the cavern. A blackened cookie from last Thanksgiving and the last of the Christmas candy were located, but still no keys.

By noon many things have been found - two flashlights, the missing set of ceramic bowls, $12 in change and 14 spoons (two were in the springs of the couch). And on a high note, the last of the outdoor Christmas decorations have been put away. But still no keys. Programmer dad has resigned himself to taking a sick day and drives to the highschool to ask Teenaged Son #1 if he has the keys.

By 1:00 p.m. there are still no keys, but Raving Lunatic Mom has turned back into Mild-mannered Mom. She does purchase a slice of German chocolate cake at Top Foods. Chocolate therapy is recognized world round for its mental health benefits.

It is currently 2:58 p.m. and still no keys. It has been determined that for $300.00 the key can be replaced if a tow truck is procured to take the Van to the dealership. Let us bow down to the ingenuity of Toyota's engineers. What progress! A key that used to cost $1.50 now cost $300.00 . You're awesome powers overwhelm me.

Will the keys ever be found? Tune back in for updates and the amazing conclusion to The Mystery of the Lost Keys.

From Nancy Drew:

“This affair must all be unraveled from within.” She (Nancy Drew) tapped her forehead. “These little gray cells. It is ‘up to them’- as you say over here."


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